


Loud and clear

by OpheliaPending



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Feelings lots of feelings, as usual im shitty with tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 09:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20964068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpheliaPending/pseuds/OpheliaPending
Summary: Bucks emotional journey after 3x03 (and a little fun at the end)





	Loud and clear

The room was dark, except for the moonlight seeping through the exposed window; dust particles trapped in the beams of light, dancing and twirling as if trying to escape. Buck was sprawled on his bed, yet to find a comfortable position to sleep in. His insomnia, however, had less to do with comfort and more to do with his uneasy mind. Words on repeat, _there’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you,_ rampaged through his tired mind. Over and over, a never-ending loop of those soft words spoken to him earlier that day.

He had never expected Eddie to say that to him. _To him_. The guy who _had lost_ Christopher. Buck wanted so badly to believe Eddie when he said that – hell the very second it came out of his mouth Buck was filled with a warmth he had never felt before. It was like he was on fire. Buck kicked off his sheets at the memory; suddenly it was too hot, even with the fan on. Obviously, it was still humid from the tsunami. Yeah that was it.

Buck settled on his back; his right arm comfortably nestled over his eyes. A flash of Eddie’s face appeared again, igniting a flutter inside himself that he tried to ignore. Why did Eddie say that? Was it because he thought he needed comfort? The weight of the guilt still crushed Bucks spirit – he was unsure if the heaviness would ever lift off, not entirely. The sentiment of Eddies words felt almost too good to be true. Was it okay to believe them? To believe him? And what would that even mean? Buck tossed and turned, now in the fetal position, and let out a frustrated grunt. Why was he so fixated on this?

Buck reached over and placed his hand on his shoulder, gently brushing his thumb side to side. He could still feel the warmth of Eddie’s hand where he had touched him, thumb so close to his neck. Buck’s temperature rose, accompanied with a loud thumping in his ears to rival the murmurs of the night. He threw a pillow over his face in hopes that it would quiet his restless heart. Eddie was right about one thing though; Buck loved that kid with his whole heart. He would never let anything happen to Christopher, ever again.

The sheer panic from losing him – he felt like dying. Never again would he wish to experience that feeling. Buck would do everything in his power to protect Christopher. _There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you. _Damnit. Buck made his hand into a fist and tapped his heart in an effort to slow its beat. The longer this flutter brewed and stirred inside him, the more unsure of his feelings he became. The flushed cheeks and the fixation on the meanings behind Eddies words… he was acting as if he were in love with the guy. But that couldn’t be true, could it? Buck breathed out a laugh at the idea, but his mind soon stopped – no more words echoing, no more flashes. His mouth hung open as he took in a steady breath. It all made sense. Was he… was he in _love_ with his best friend?

Bucks eyes snapped open and his body rushed into an upright position. He was in love? In love… with Eddie…? As if a dam of emotions had broken loose, all these previously unexplained feelings rose to the surface. Oh God. He wanted so desperately to shove them all back down inside, for no one to see, somewhere safe, where he couldn’t get hurt again – but it was too late. The flood gates were open and his heart was spilling all over the place. Bucks breathing paced as his eyes darted back and forth with the resurgence of each shared moment with Eddie, but now with different implications. It made so much sense. How had he never noticed it before? Or did he not want to notice it? If Eddie didn’t feel the same way… Oh God. Eddie. If Eddie knew about Bucks feelings for him, would he still want to be around?

That thought pained Buck most of all – his best friend wanting nothing to do with him. It wouldn’t be like that though, right? They were best friends; through thick and thin. Something like little feelings wouldn’t separate them. Buck raked his hand over his forehead and back through his hair. That was the problem though. These weren’t just “little” feelings. This was big. Bigger than he ever thought possible. How would he ever look Eddie in the eyes again? A pit formed low in his stomach. No. There was no use in worrying over anything. He could keep these feelings to himself – or even test the waters if the mood were ever right. There was no need to prematurely panic; it would only wear himself out.

As if a spell had been cast over his room, his heart finally settled – like the realisation had finally made him let go of everything bottled up inside him. His eyes grew heavy and ever so slowly shut themselves as Buck drifted off to sleep.

*

The birds were singing with the wind and the neighbourhood was bustling, a surprisingly lively mood considering the events of the past week. Buck woke, still sluggish from the night’s realisation. What he needed was a cold shower to clear his head. He stumbled to the bathroom, turning his stereo on along the way – the volume blasting loud and set to his workout playlist in order to pump him up for the day to come. The water was pleasantly cold, just enough so to be refreshing. He closed his eyes and placed his face under the nozzle, water droplets streaming down his cheeks. The pressure was soothing. Buck thought he heard a noise, but brushed it off as an annoyed neighbour complaining about his music; it wouldn’t be the first time it had happened. Maybe he would hit the gym today to help him put all his thoughts in order, and bulk up a little in the process – wouldn’t want Eddie thinking he had gotten too thin. 

Feeling a little bad for his neighbour, Buck switched off the water, loosely wrapped a towel around his waist, and went for the stereo. Thwack! Bucks body crashed into something hard. His eyes came into focus to see the man standing before him, “Woah! What the –” His towel slipped from his grip momentarily, luckily though Buck caught it again just in time to cover himself, “Eddie?”

Eddie whipped his head to the side, not so subtly, “I uh… I,” he cleared his throat, “I knocked but you didn’t answer but I heard the music so I thought…” his voice trailed off as his gaze fell back to Buck. He noticed Eddies eyes give him a once over but promptly looked away again. “You mind watching Christopher today?”

Was Eddie… was Eddie blushing? It couldn’t be. He must’ve been mistaken. Bucks heart still skipped along to the possibility which his brain refused to acknowledge. “Yeah sure,” his voice cracked a little which left Buck internally screaming, “I’ll just go uh… go put some clothes on.” Buck practically sprinted to his closet, face flushed and heart pounding in his chest. This was going to be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun to write... and i had Alan Walkers "faded" stuck in my head the whole time lol also the fact that the word count came to 1234 really just feels good


End file.
